I have been thinking all day today about my life so far in its vast shortness. Not only do I have many regrets, embarrassments, accomplishments, joys, sorrows and big bunches of NOTHING. I have someone who i honestly never thought I would be. If i talked to a teenage me and told her that this is what your life is going to be at the tender age of twenty three I would have probably spat out a drink in her face laughing so hard. I never thought that I would roll over next to someone, let a lone have to drag myself from that bed each morning to care for two children who I ACTUALLY gave birth to. It’s amazing to me, dumbfounding, and down right unexplainable. But here I am. A mother. A mother to two boys at that lol.
You want to know what I wanted to be doing at this age RIGHT NOW??! I wanted to have a loft somewhere rural, really deep into the city life. I wanted to travel the world and experience everything that was unnatural to me. Now?!! I hide from that sort of thing, isn’t that sad?? It makes me sad. I wanted to be acting big shot small shot i didn’t care i wanted to be on stage. I loved it. I bathed in it. Thinking about how amazing i felt when i did those things honestly brings tears to my eyes. Those times are so precious to me no matter how trivial they have have seemed. I miss it. Desperately.
Does thinking this make me a horrible person?? Horrible mother?? Its not that I am saying I have LESS than what i wanted its just DIFFERENT from what i wanted. I just seem to dwell and I would hate to push my lost “day-dreams” onto my kids. I would much rather instill a sense of YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! Cause you honestly can if you put the work into to and are willing to wait on the long scale. I guess i kinda just answered my question, my doubt. I just have to wait, just cause i didn’t, doesn’t mean i can’t, right?
I hope so.
|me at 18… *fox whistle* I have even hotter ones than this… but i digress.|
|me now… eeww… but i do have some nice pictures of current me!|
|see its alright 😀|
I wont even get started on said body issues at this point.