I am officially finished being the size that I am.  I managed to go out the other night with some girlfriends for my very first EVER “club” experience.  [Now some background info; I agreed to this as my very best sister girlfriend just got dumped hardcore by her, now, ex-fiance.  A wild girls night was a must and she loves the club scene as she’s a sassy little dancer.] Anyways since it was girls night clearly photos were taken… now I am used to not looking very nice in photos unless i’ve personally worked very hard to get a great shot of myself.  So I look horrible in EVERY one of them, not just one or two EVERY one.  Now i’m sure people i know would say the sweetest thing like: “what are you talking about you look lovely.” etc etc.. or “your too hard on yourself…two kids yadda yadda…”  You know what I say to them I DON’T CARE I LOOK HORRIBLE!! I need this gone I have struggled with weight my whole life and i’ll be damned if i sit here and eat myself into my mother, god bless her but i don’t want to look like her when i’m older.  I love her dearly for sacrificing herself for us her whole life, but she needed to learn to spoil and care for herself better than she did.  The key to my happiness is to make myself feel better by loosing this weight and EARNING every lost pound the good old fashioned way, eating right and exercising UGH!!!   I hate exercising, honestly i’m incredibly lazy after being a mother all the time, but i have to fight threw that.  The last two days I have gone for hour long “seedwalk/jogs” and I love it.  The first day i even ran in the rain and it was lovely! With Lady Gaga singing her heart out in my ear and as much time as I want to take is just wonderful.  I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I do, I thought that I would be dragging my butt out the door everyday and dreading every step on the sweet black asphalt.  Instead here I am relishing every moment of peace and GaGa that I have, every step giving me a bigger feeling of accomplishment and every note sung giving me motivation for the future.  So.. to all of you who hate to work out, hate being big or just hate themselves for doing everything wrong, one day we’ll get it!  Lets come together and struggle on threw it! 

i’m the far left and sarah is the far right….. lets call this my “before” photo… eeeww!!


  1. HELLO! You’ve had TWO kids! I think you’re entitled to a little leeway, but it is important to feel good yourself. I’ve wanted to start running, just can’t drag my arse outta bed early enough to do it before work, and after is too busy…perhaps I’ll have to start just to do it with you.

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