Am I Crazy?

I am thinking of writing a book.

Am I crazy?

I was chatting with a friend, once again about my life, and once again I was told I should write a book. To be honest I have always wanted to. But I have no idea where to start.

Do I start at the beginning, the middle or from the end and go backwards?

Is it even really that interesting??

Isn’t it just kinda sad?

I don’t know, I have no idea how something about my life would turn out. It isn’t a happy life all the time – most of the time. It still isn’t.

So if I wrote it how would I end it? It couldn’t be happy could it?? I mean I have no happy ending right now.

Would there be an ending or just an open ended loom of doom?

Would writing a book like this help me somehow? Would it heal those¬†wounds that haven’t really ever healed?

Or would it make them deeper?

If I started would I be able to finish it?

Would I find a way to publish it, or keep it to myself?

There are so many questions I have about something like this and I am so scared to even answer them or entertain the idea that I could actually do this.

Would the people in my life even want me to?

Would they be alright with being written across my pages of nonsense?

Would anyone even read it?

If they did would it just make them feel pity?

Would it mean that I would have to talk about it all the time, even the parts I only want to write down?

I don’t know.

What I do know is how I would dedicate my book:

“For my boys, so they never wonder why their mother was so weird.”

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